Through Domestic Abuse & Out The Other Side Part 3..

Hey all. It’s me again with more of my story, 

So, things were rocky, and he wouldn’t let me leave. He had told me that there was no way I would keep my babies if I left him. That he would never let that happen. Now through all of this, I had always been insistent, that if I were to leave, I would NEVER keep his kids from him. I wasn’t taking his kids away from him. I have always believed that my children deserved a relationship with their father. Quite honestly, they deserved a lot more of a relationship than they were getting, but his half assed parenting was better than nothing…. right?

Supermom

But there we were. He was doing whatever he wanted, while I was home raising our babies. By this point I was working part time as well! He insisted that I needed to work, while he only parented when he absolutely had to. To be totally honest his parents watched our children most of the time while I worked. Even my working wasn’t enough for him. You see, I was working as a nanny and babysitting on the side, but because I wasn’t working a typical 9-5 job he didn’t think what I was doing was real work. He didn’t like how I was earning money. There were many months that I earned more money than him. I was good at what I did. 

Fast forward… Little Lady #2 was now a few months shy of 3 years old. The oil recession hit, and Alberta and our family was hit hard. He lost his job. It was not too long though and he received a job offer in BC. We would be 10 hours away from our friends and family in Alberta. It was decided (by him)…we were packing up and moving, “Our family was getting a fresh start.” The plan was to move in just a couple short months. While he went ahead to complete training and find us our new home, I was to stay behind and pack our lives into boxes and care for our 2 children.

Only days after he left for BC, I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant… again. I wanted to be happy. I really wished I could have been happy about it.  Sadly the only thing I felt was FEAR. My last pregnancy had been so hard. I was down right miserable because of him. After my pregnancy with Little Lady #2 I had decided birth control was no longer for me. It gave us a false sense of security Considering I had gotten pregnant using it already, I didn’t feel like the side effects and mood swing was worth it for me to continue using it. We had agreed that we would use condoms. We were trying to “be safe” but, we found ourselves in need of Plan B. HE purchased the Plan B pill. HE opened the packaging. HE placed the pill in my hand. HE watched and ensured I placed it in my mouth, and HE ensured I swallowed it. Seems a little overkill to you? Yeah, to me too. Whatever, we went on our way, expecting this little pill to do what it was supposed to do. Without another thought, he left for BC, and I went on with packing.

 But, alas… let’s throw another wrench in this already complicated story.  

 It was now Halloween, and I was late. I bought a pregnancy test, and after I tucked my little trick or treaters into bed, I took the test. Yup… almost instantly those two little pink lines were there, screaming at me, that I was in fact pregnant. I didn’t phone my husband. I didn’t phone my family. I didn’t phone his family. I picked up my phone, took a picture of the test, and sent it to a friend, the same one who had tried before to help me figure out how to leave him. WHAT DO I DO NOW? HE’S GOING TO BE SO MAD AT ME!!! Is the text I added to the picture.  I’m pretty sure, she reminded me that I had options. I already knew in my heart that I was having this baby. I also knew I had to tell him, and before I saw him next. I needed to give him the opportunity to just leave us behind. I prayed he would just leave us behind.

Yup thats VERY posative

I didn’t tell him right away. I kept it a secret from everyone except that one friend, for weeks. Luckily it was November, so I was easily able to cover my bump wearing sweaters or hoodies.Yes I had a bump almost instantly body memory they say. The morning sickness was a little harder to hide, but the exhaustion was the hardest. I often dozed off on the couch watching cartoons or movies with my little ladies. Now keep in mind my husband’s parents lived in this house with us, so they saw me falling asleep. At one point his mom suspected I may be pregnant. She tried to confirm her suspicion and asked me to taste her cooler, she said wasn’t sure if she liked it and wanted my opinion. Now don’t go ape shit on me, but I took the teeniest sip. I let the flavour barely touch my lips. This thankfully was enough that she backed off. She figured her suspicions were wrong. I wasn’t ready to tell her. I wasn’t even ready to tell my husband.  How freaking terrible is that?! I couldn’t even tell my husband. I continued to pack everything into boxes. Soon he would be coming home to help pack the last few things, and load everything into the U-Haul. I HAD to tell him. I had to give him the opportunity to just leave us behind.

I decided to call him via video call. I felt I needed to see his face. I started the conversation off with

“I have something to tell you, and the way you respond will dictate where this goes next.” 

I told him that the Plan B pill had failed. I told him I was sorry. He responded so much better than I had expected. He told me he had been thinking while he was gone. He said he was thinking that once we had moved and got settled that he was going to ask me if I wanted to try for a 3rd and final baby. -mind blown-  He asked me if I was ok telling anyone who asked, that we had been trying, that we planned this baby. To me it made no difference so I said sure. He came home as planned to help with the last minute things for the move. We decided to tell his parents that we were expecting together. They were sad that they wouldn’t be there to watch this baby grow, but they were happy for us.

They helped us load the truck, and his mom came with us to help get us settled in our new place. Everything was great.

Until his mom went back home.

Just one more wait till you get to hear the end of my journey. I thank you for your patience while I sift through the emotions this has made me come to terms with.

Published by amothersblessedkeepsakes

I love that I can transform a dna inclusion into a tangible memory. My pieces bring peace and solidity to personal bonds, experiences and feelings.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create your website at WordPress.com
Get started
%d bloggers like this: